I walked into Gabe's preschool this morning, one arm carrying the Birthday Bag they give each student the day of their birthday. I was returning it two days late. Slung over the other arm was another bag that held Cleo, the class 'pet'. She was also a few days late. At that precise moment I remembered I was in charge of bringing in Clorox wipes. Two weeks ago. So, I apologized for the late 'pet', the late Birthday Bag return...and I promised I would have the wipes at pick up today. Mrs. Heather just looked at me and said something like, "Don't worry about it, we've got it covered until you get them." I love her. She's a mom of four, I'm guessing she's been there before. I get the feeling she knows I'm doing my best. I wanted to hug her.
Today on the radio I heard a story about a woman who was a prostitute. She happened to be listening to KLOVE and decided to call the radio station so she could talk to one of the pastors they have on staff. She gave her heart to the Lord during that phone call. They told her God had forgiven her and that He remembers her sin no more. She mentioned the thing that got her through most days was remembering the scent of her infant son's hair, a son she hasn't seen in several years. They told her God loves her like that. He adores her just like she adores that child. He knows each hair on her head. It 's just amazing how He loves us. I love that the creator of my soul spoke to me during a radio station pledge drive. It makes me want to tell this hurting world that there's so much more to life than the here and now. It will get so much better.
Things I Don't Want To Forget:
*The way Gabe runs to get his toy garbage truck the instant he hears the real one pulling onto our street. He loves watching that massive machine lift loads and dump the waste into the back.
*Selah crying out for me in the dark of the night, requesting we rock in her chair. It's not thirty seconds later and she's pointing with that chubby little index finger wanting back into her crib. I love the way she just likes knowing I'm a shout out away. And I love drinking her in even if it is only for a swift thirty seconds. Someday I will want those moments back. I just know it.
*The way Gabe and Selah have found their groove. They can play happily together. I love the feeling I get watching them pretend to play in her little kitchen or the way they can erect quite the town out of wooden train tracks, cars and blocks or the way they fly through the house with matchbox airplanes and rockets pretending to be pilots. Precious.
*Isaac crawling into bed with us at two a.m. because he had a bad dream. I love that even as he grows, even as he wants to stretch himself in new directions, branching out just a little from mommy and daddy, well, I love that he still needs us. I love that we offer that comfort to him.
*Joe and I staying up late, talking side by side in bed about how fun it is watching our oldest play baseball. How we think he's really good and how we aren't just saying that because he's ours...
There's more. More thoughts, more things I can't wait to write about, like my big boy turning five, me turning thirty four, Isaac and Gabe's first baseball game and how I want people to see Jesus in me. I want it written all over my face the way Selah's looks after she's been caught getting into the Easter basket. Completely covered, not a speck untouched. I wonder what I'd look like if I cared more about what He thought, loving myself the way He loves me, seeing myself through His eyes. I wonder if I'd recognize any part of me....
Gotta go...Selah just pulled leftover cake frosting out of the fridge. I'm sure she thinks it's a perfectly acceptable snack. Heck, some days I think it is.
Oh, and I have to buy those Clorox wipes...